It's Time

So how many times have we made goals and either forgot about them or just stopped caring. Oh my goodness too many for me to count! Well, it is time. I am making a goal to loose 5 lbs prior to my trip home this summer. It should be easy, in theory. I want to look good in all the photos. Not that I have to have the perfect body, but I want the love handles to go away and the tummy to tighten up! So that is it. That is my goal. I want to loose 5 lbs by June 27th. To do this it is going to take exercise, healthy eating (aka no taking a run for the border), and soberity. Seriously, i just need to not drink so much, and it would make life a lot easier. Here goes the work out schedule, abs every day. I should be able to do this from wherever I might be at the time. Planks, pilates, videos, med ball. Then I need to work out every day if possible. And volleyball does not count as a workout! ha! And finally, eating healthy. Now I am an eater. For every person out there that is an eater, good for you! I just want to eat better. Less junk food, and not that i eat that much bad food, but I can give it up for three weeks. No problem. Just discipline. I wonder why I have such a hard time sticking to my own goals? Sometimes I think it is because I make unrealistic ones. You know, those stupid goals like I am going to run 10 miles every day, and you're not a runner at all! ha. But then sometimes it's just the laziness that gets to us all. Here is my new motivation for the month of June. Stick to my goals. Really really stick to them. That is why my goal to loose 5 lbs isn't 10 lbs. 5 is reasonable for me. I

Is it reality?

So I have settled into my new life here in CA. It's official. I have friends. I know bartenders. I have favorite restarants. It feels good to have a life back. Finally. While my time on the road was very educational, I love the feeling of home. I miss my home and my friends in Chicago, but it was time to move on. Today I was walking to lunch and realized that I was really happy. I haven't felt that in a long time. you know, many times we convince ourselves that we are happier than we truly are because we are afriad of the realization that we are not. That was me. I couldn't admit I was not happy because I had just left everything I knew. Now, looking back, it was worth every moment of sadness, of loneliness. While I really do miss my family and friends, I have met many new exciting people that have just as many good things to offer. I have started to form relationships with people who I know I can depend on in time of need. During my time on the road I met many men and struggled with the thought of companionship. Is was during this time I was truly questioning myself, and what I wanted and needed. I realize that these were natural feelings. I felt so open and upset because at times I wasn't that confident, independent woman that I prided myself on. I wanted a boyfriend, not because of the fact it was a boyfriend, but because I needed a companion. I wanted someone to share life with, to eat dinner with, to talk to. These are all healthy things, but yet I still was upset with myself. I found myself dating men who were so wrong. But with every wrong date, I would learn something about myself, thus turning into an amazing adventure. I actually don't talk to any of those men on the east coast anymore. Unfortunately I don't feel the need to call them even when back on the east coast. They are great men who are leading great lives. Our lives crossed at one point, and they helped me, and for that I am thankful. I feel no need to cross back into them again though. Onto the new CA life. Sunshine, beach, fine wine, and new men. A new era has begun and I couldn't be any more excited. Excited for the new me and my new life.

My invisible friend

Since I have been spending so much time by myself lately I seem to be imagining or should I say fantasizing my perfect friend. Not only is this person a friend but a true companion. I really appreciate those who I do things with. It is intersting that the people I miss the most are those who I actually would be active with, those I would talk to on the phone. Think of how many friends we have in our life. Lots and lots luckily. But of those friends I realize that I have true friends and those friends who are just convienent friends. I adore those friends who take the effort to call me and see how I am doing. Those friends who take the extra mile to come and see me when I come home. I get frustrated with those friends who get mad at me when I don;t drive to another city to see them when I am the one who is home from out of state. I think the reason I am writing about friends is because I feel this emptiness now and almost a sense of guilt becacuse I left people. I miss my friends so much,

So I've fallen behind...

Hey where does she sing and where does she move? There are basic facts in life that take time. Like paying bills and calling old friends. These are simple tasks that we really appreciated after we completed them, but why is it that I struggle so much to get them done. It's not htat I don't have the money to pay the bill, but I just hate the act of paying the bill. For some reason it is so hard to get my body motivated to actually complete the act. Same with calling old friends. Talking to people from the past is more endorpic obviously than paying a stupid bill but why is it that we hesitate so long to make those little phone calls to the ones we use to love so much. Do you think that I am afarid to make that simple call for fear that they are not the same person I remember or that I am not the same person that I remember? It's amazing how happy I am after I talk to my college or high school friends. What really amazes me is how grounded I feel after a simple conversation no matter how hectic my life my be at that present moment in time. Currently I am traveling through South Carolina. I love getting the daily emails with the little updates on my friends because it makes me feel connected to something.
It's weird I tell you ... very weird. Or , at least I think that I'm weird. Ha!
Well, I must continue working, so happy weirdness.

Devirginized

So I have always wanted to be a true blogger, but never knew where to start. I think most of my fear of posting was solely based around the philosophy of being able to read my thoughts... to have them on a computer is so much more terrifing then having them float around in my head. I was recently invited to join this email group of high school girlfriends. We talk almost every day about who broke up with who and the status of the break up or who is in love with who and future with that person. These conversations have really started me thinking about how I love to express my inner thoughts on delirious topics such as marriage, boyfriends, pedicures, hunting turkeys, one night stands, traveling the world, inner strength, and loneliness. I am currently living in the comparable "wasteland" called new jersey so I am actually finding myself with time to write my thoughts. I quit my job in Chicago and moved out east for an amazing career with limited friends (I mean less than one hand). Practicing yoga is fantastic for the body and sole, just like I hope blogging with be for the mind.

One this note I will end my very first blog. I feel that any topic my mind has floating around will not be given due cause and thus must wait for another day. The day has been long and dreary so maybe my post will have a more optimistic ring to it tomorrow. I believe that it is very important for me to end the blog in a manner that makes me look into myself and reflect. Namaste is a Hindu word that the people of Nepal and India use to respect one anther,

Namaste - I bow to the light within you.